A New Beginning

5 years ago, when I decided to quit my job and move to the USA for 2 years I had no expectations but to learn, have fun and to grow as a human being. All of these were achieved, but as the months went by I realized how much I loved this country, the way things work (or don't) around here, simple things that made he realize that I wanted to live here, probably forever, that I belonged here.

Being a live-in nanny for 3 years and a half, taught me what you should and should not do when raising kids, in a marriage, what matters and what's bullshit. Even though I know we will all make mistakes in our lives and we never know everything, I still think that I see things from a different perspective now then I did before I went through this experience. It was like going to college to get a degree in Family Life.

I've had wonderful experiences here, the first two years were a mix of a dream come true to a nightmare, in parts because she could be a witch when she wanted to and she sometimes made me feel like crap...still I went through because of what I wanted and because of the kids, whom I call my kids...specially my baby (6 years old now!). I will forever love those kids and Remi specially is like my first daughter and I don't think nobody can ever break the connection we have to each other, it's simply love.

All the trips, 5 star hotels, limos, expensive cars, dinners, parties, living in mansions were all part of it, but I always knew that that reality wasn't mine, it was just temporary borrowed...and it had it's price tag on it, which I paid for daily knowingly...and sometimes without knowing.

5 years looking for love, for a soul mate, for companion...wasn't so successful there, but had a good run and fun. A broken heart more than once (actually twice), it hurt like a bitch, but made me feel alive. Less then a month ago I thought my hope was gone, I was deep down in a depression crying without knowing if I was ever find someone who could deserve and reciprocate my love (sounds corny, but it's true). I really thought that I had lost my hope to find that person.

Besides all that, for those who know me personally (not only virtually), know that I've always been a dreamer and an achiever, I go for what I want and am not afraid of challenges. Lately, in the last 3 years, I have been fighting for something that is just not gonna happen like I expected, and instead of accepting the reality, I let myself just live life like it is and lost myself. I've not been myself for a long time. I was angry, unhappy, so frustrated that I took out on other people around me. I will pick on small stupid stuff, which made me just angrier and more frustrated to begin with.

Two weeks ago I had a moment of clarity after I made a special request for a light from above and finally I found myself again. It seems crazy, because I am not a religious person, just spiritual, but at the same time, I am a true believer that when you have faith and you ask things with your heart, if they are meant to be, they will.

I've decided to take a big step, take a chance at life again and I've decided to move to England to be with someone that is very special for me. I can't explain, but it is just different from everything I've ever felt in my life for anybody and the most important, it feels right. Have the blessings of my mom, my friends, family and that's the most important. I won't be working in the beginning, which is great because I need a break, but we have been looking for schools and I will see my options to going back to study while there.

Only time will tell what the future holds, but I know I have in my heart to make this work and I feel the same from him, and I truly believe in "If you never try, you will never know"...so here I am, starting to act on my moving plan, quiting jobs, getting ready to sell my car and some of my stuff, which I could care less about...most of the stuff I am just giving away (that's how materialistic I am people!).

What am I taking with me? Clothes, shoes, few accessories & beauty products (we all need them), books, Cd's, DVDs, pictures, laptop and a heart full of love to give and a soul willing to have fun and see the world and enjoy life.

Cheers to a new beginning and I now think I will have reasons to post more often on my blog ;-)

Thank you for sticking around for all these years.

Love,

Ale